Scattering Ashes At Sea, A Loving Farewell

My Aunt's wishes were to be cremated and have her ashes scattered over the ocean.

This is a pictorial account of carrying out those wishes.

You might ask why in the world would a Jew want to be cremated when they have a history where the Nazi’s put them in gas chambers and basically cremated them alive.

Well, I respect that feeling and that kind of questioning. After all, I am missing a part of my ancestral background because some of them were killed in the Holocaust. However there is more to ones feelings and desires that also needs respect and understanding.

According to the Jewish tradition when someone dies they are to be buried as soon as possible. There is no viewing and no wake, just a quick funeral.

Even though we are Jewish and this is not acceptable by Jewish tradition, I remember my father saying how he just could not imagine decomposing in the ground with worms crawling up his nose. This may sound morbid but that’s how he explained it.

My Aunt felt the same and she once reminded me of how my father had spoken about it. Both my parents, and my uncle too, wanted to be cremated. All of them being close to nature and being the kind of people who cared for the world and the environment, they all wanted to have their ashes scattered over the ocean. This was their way of being returned to the Earth. A green burial, if you think of that that way.

So now after a long life (she lived to the age of 98) my Aunt was the last to go. My sister and I are the only ones remaining. My Aunt and Uncle never had kids.

There were also no other living relatives related to my Aunt because her only sister was married to a man for only a short time before he was killed in a concentration camp. They never had any time to have children. As for my Aunt and Uncle, they wanted to travel. That was their life’s goal after getting married. So they decided not to have children.

Making Final Plans For A Wake And Funeral Arrangements

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My sister was now living out of state. She came with her husband came as quickly as they could get here but in the meantime it was all in my hands to take care of the Funeral arrangements and everything else that my Aunt had requested.

My Aunt wanted her friends to come to pay their respects. So I made plans with a funeral parlor to have a wake. Family and friends attend a wake to chat and share memories of the deceased. It is also a time to comfort one another.

I also arranged the funeral. Being that she was being cremated the funeral was simply family saying our last goodbyes before the cremation.

We had a huge turnout at the wake. Many of my Aunt's friends had already passed away but many of my friends and my sister’s friends knew my Aunt and knew what a wonderful person she was. So they came.

I was surprised that one couple that I thought were dear friends of my Aunt's did not show up. I imagine it was because they were Orthodox and probably did not approve of the decision to be cremated. But I remember that they came to my Uncle’s wake and Funeral many years earlier.

So who knows what really happened. My Aunt had something to tell me about them when she was on her deathbed a few days before she passed. But she wasn’t in a condition to make much sense and I really didn’t know what she was trying to tell me. But I think she knew they would not want to show us any signs of respect. Too bad that friends can’t look past that.

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My sister and her husband had to return home before I could arrange to carry out the last of my Aunt’s requests, the desire to have her ashes returned to the Earth by scattering over the ocean.

Actually this was also a means for my Aunt to be together with her husband again, because his ashes were also scattered over the ocean in roughly the same location I was planning.

Searching the Internet, I found someone who brings people out in his boat to scatter the ashes of a loved one. He had two options…either have him do it for you at a small fee. Or go with him for a much higher fee.

He probably does it for many in one trip when he does it alone, which explains the large difference in the fee structure. After all, it’s a long trip. You see, in some States there is a law against scattering ashes over land or sea. That’s how it is here. So we had to go out far enough that we were in international waters.

My sister had already returned home. So I took care of this myself. Of course I chose the option to go on the boat and do the scattering myself. I wanted to go to be sure my Aunt was being treated properly. Although I learned later that he was a very sincere and honest person and he would have done it right himself. But I also wanted to go because of my love for her, why turn her over to a stranger.

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I arranged to meet him at the location were we start out journey out to sea.

When I arrived early in the morning it was thundering and lightning. He told me we had to wait, as it would be dangerous to be out at sea during an electrical storm. We watched the display nature had put on for us.

Watching the storm from my location looking out over the water was very different from being confined among buildings and trees. I got to see the various weather patterns moving around. In some spots the heavens were spewing heavy rains down from clouds.

In other spots I could see various cloud formations spinning around trying to make images for my mind’s imagination to make sense out of. Seeing lightning strike water was extremely amazing. It actually looks like the lightning is shooting up to the sky from the water rather than the other way around. One can clearly tell how much longer it takes to hear it after seeing it. Light travels faster than sound.

After an hour or so the electrical part of the storm had passed. It was still cloudy and wet, but no thunder or lightning. And he told me "we can leave now."

As we traveled farther and farther out to sea I could see the land formations that I knew so well, but never saw from this angle before. Eventually sight of land was next to nothing and he announced to me that this is a location where we can scatter the ashes.

The pictures below were taken with my digital camera. I asked him to take pictures of me with my camera while I performed the task. And I must say, I was very pleased how they turned out. He did a great job catching the whole event as he instructed me what to do and how to do it.

He had made a basket that is used to place the ashes in the water so that the sea can capture them in a calming a surreal way. The first thing I did was open the plastic container that the crematory provided with the ashes and I placed the ashes in the basket.

There is no point in getting the ashes in an urn if they are going to be scattered anyway. Sometimes the ashes are sealed in a can. My Aunt’s ashes were in a sealed plastic bag inside black plastic container.

My Aunt was proud of America, as it was her safe haven ever since she escaped the Holocaust. So I let her sit next to the American Flag for a while as I said my prayers and just wanted to be with her for a while before saying goodbye.

The strength of the prayer brought out the Sun momentarily as you can see from the shadows.

The storm that had been through the area was still making waves and tossing us around quite a bit as I prepared to let her into her final resting place.

I had to hold on with one hand while I held on to her with the other. It was her way of letting me feel the strength she had had throughout her long and difficult life.

I tied a rope to the basket before releasing her to the sea. The purpose of the rope was to pull back the empty basket after her ashes are free of it. Scattering ashes is a clean and environmentally correct method of burial. Only ashes are returned to the Earth. That's why I needed to pull back the basket after I'm done.

Letting her drift away from the boat. This was the hardest part of it, as I knew there was no turning back. What was I thinking? There was no turning back anyway. Life is over. I will miss her. Many people will miss her. She was so special. She was kind and she was caring. No doubt why she lived so long.

The basket started sinking as I realized she would finally be peaceful.

The winds started to kick up just as she sank beneath the sea. I could feel it at the top of my head. Almost like some energy force pulling up on my hair.

There she goes.

Peacefully becoming one with the world.

The last few years of her life were so difficult because her frail body was getting so weak she lost all quality of life. The problem is that she was totally aware of that fact because her mind always remained strong.

Suddenly the heavens opened up.

The clouds from that dreary storm had parted and the light from the warm Sun shown down over the whole area where I had just released her to the world.

My Aunt could now be peaceful.

Now she could rest and be with the world and with her husband. I know my Uncle's ashes were somewhere around there too.

Together they loved to travel and see the world. Now they can do that again. Only this time they are closer than ever.

Copyright © 2011 Glenn Stok